Sexuality after pregnancy: what a husband needs to know

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Extract from the article: Pregnancy turns sexuality upside down. When a couple is at this stage of life, everything should be going well. Yet many men are distraught, saying that their wife's sexuality has changed and they're not sure how to get back together.

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Pregnancy turns sexuality upside down. When a couple is at this stage of life, everything should be going well. Yet many men are distraught, saying that their wife's sexuality has changed and they're not sure how to get back together.

Post-pregnancy is a crucial stage for couples, and sexuality can be affected in many ways. It's essential that men understand a few things so that they can support their wives and face this new stage together.

Why do women change so much after giving birth?

Giving birth is a huge upheaval. First of all, it's physical. It's extremely tiring physically, but on top of that, hormones change abruptly, leading to huge emotional changes. Estrogens fall, and these are the female hormones responsible for lubrication in the vaginal area. So after giving birth, it's normal for women to experience a period of vaginal dryness.

In addition, childbirth triggers the production of the hormone prolactin, which is used to trigger lactation. This hormone reduces sexual desire. This is undoubtedly designed by nature to ensure that the child is the mother's priority for a few months. This is vital for him because he is totally dependent. The mother has to be very attached to him to give him the care he needs to survive.

Do many fathers feel they are taking a back seat?

Yes, some men are jealous of the baby because it needs all the mother's attention.But that's normal for say 3 to 6 months.Normally, a man who feels good about himself doesn't feel jealous or neglected. Not only does he understand, but he thinks it's very important that his son or daughter is well looked after. He's happy to observe his wife's maternal instincts.He doesn't see it as a lack of attention for himself, but as attention for his offspring.

Looking after the baby doesn't have to be a woman's full-time job. Can the man help too?

Of course he can.Fortunately for the women who share this task with their man, fortunately for the children who thus create a bond with their father from an early age.And fortunately for fathers too.After all, what seems at first sight to be a chore is actually a profound pleasure.Looking after a child makes you feel closer to them, and it's important to start early. What's more, the more you look after a child, the more you cuddle them, the less pressure you feel from sexual desire.Cuddling a child has 2 effects. The first is that it causes the production of oxytocin, the attachment hormone in both men and women.This hormone reduces sexual desire and increases tenderness.The second effect of this hormone is that it leads to a feeling of being fulfilled, of feeling good, which means that sexuality becomes less important in providing affection.

What practical advice can you give to a man whose wife has just given birth, to help him find sexual fulfilment again?

First of all, take a lot of care of the baby, then talk to his wife, tell her positive things so that she feels good, and it's hard for her. She's put on weight, she may have dull hair, stretch marks... She needs encouragement to feel beautiful.She also needs help to feel less tired.What's more, a man shouldn't think that she'll automatically go back to the way she was before.On the contrary, she'll never be the same.What he has to do is conquer this new woman.He needs to reactivate the seduction period instead of grumbling.And men who understand this find their women even better than before.Simply because she feels supported, close to her man, recognised and loved.And her capacity for love has actually increased, because becoming a mother stimulates that capacity for love.

And perhaps patience too?

Yes. A woman who has just given birth cannot be available immediately.The baby has passed from her uterus through her vagina and vulva, her uterus has bled, retracted and expelled the placenta, her breasts have changed and so have her hormones.And it's taking her several months to get back into balance.All the more so as she will tend not to sleep much in the first few months, as the baby needs to be cared for at night, and at the very least needs to drink milk.So you have to remember that these few months are a small step towards the joy of becoming a father.

Jean ELI

Source: Dr Catherine Solano, Sexologist (France)/Priorité Santé-RFI